Again I have had the honor of viewing the not so rare species of the one eyed monster. A very nice man sent me a picture of his rather large penis to my phone. Earlier in the evening we had enjoyed a few cocktails and we flirted a bit and well it got a bit hot, anyway we decided that the evening would end and he went his way and I mine. He needed to finish what we had started therefore the image was sent. I mention this just so it doesn’t appear that all the guys that you might meet on line just want to show off their parts.
I am not about the size of a cock but more about how well one uses it. But seeing this penis reminded me that I am or my vagina is not in any shape to take in a penis of any size never mind this one. One more body part that needs attention. So I decided to get a dilator to get this pussy back in shape. Now this entails a shopping list:
1. Lubricant, I like a silicone based one. It stays nice and slippery. which is always helpful.
2. Maybe a prescription for Premarin vaginal cream which works to thicken the lining of the vaginal wall so it doesn’t tear.
3 Dilator Kit. I now have all three.
All this so I can enjoy penetration like I did when I was younger. The funny thing is when I was younger I worried that my pussy was not tight enough especially after giving birth to children. What a waste of good worry time that was. Married men in particular joked and complained about huge gaping holes that might just swallow them up. Perhaps that is where all those missing husbands go… Vaginaland not too far from Disneyland..
Of course the sex toy industry, which is run by all those men afraid of the Giant Pussy, found a product called “Tighten Up.” which they were happy to market to women, similar to me in my youth. Now this products main ingredient is alum . If you look it up in Wikipedia it has all sorts of uses from whitening teeth, putting out fires, stopping bleeding and it is also used in deodorants to keep underarms dry. It is the drying action that helps the vagina dry up so it then feels tighter. Actually it feels like a very dried up old prune. This product has been known to cause some serious bacterial infections. When discussing this product with other women my response is “perhaps they the men need to grow a bigger dick or become better lovers. Gosh! I’m sounding a bit bitchy here. I digress
Back to the dilator kit. I decided on the kit because it offers a few different options. It starts out with a pink plastic probe which is about the size of an average finger in width. It also vibrates which is a nice touch and makes it feel sexier than a vaginal workout tool. There are 3 more sizes each a bit bigger then the next as far as girth not length. Now for the shop local, grow your own, recycle ,followers you can always use vegetables starting with a very slim carrot then gradually moving up to lets see a Japanese eggplant etc. Then you can wash them and make a sensual stir fry. I’m sticking with the plastic for now I just don’t feel like stretching my VaJayjay and cooking afterwards. I know that this is a slow process but I’m keeping my eye on the prize.
I am working out with my dilator ,Monday, Wednesday and Friday nights. Getting in plenty of reps and drinking lots of water so I don’t get dehydrated during my strenuous workouts. I am not available for dates or intercourse on these evenings. The “do not disturb “sign is on my door. I am hoping that this changes soon. You know what they say “if you build it they will come”
If you have any questions or would like further information regarding any of the products I have mentioned please leave a comment and I will get back to you ASAP
“What can I say but I’m working on it
all of it – everything in its entirety: I’ve left nothing out. I can’t say when it’ll be complete,
only that I’ll not cease until it’s longer, rounder, tighter…and with a little more red.” Susan Mrosek
Having jumped into the on line dating experience with both feet, I’m starting to consider “why”. Was I looking for a mate, a date, a friendship a lover,an adventure? I’m not really sure. Suddenly its become oh so serious. Some dates are looking for marriage, or so they write in their profiles. I never pick them. The choices are do you want to connect..Yes, Maybe, or No. Others are looking for a serious relationship don’t waste their time winking, flirting etc. More are very interested in sharing how physically fit they are, and they only want slender fit people in their lives…Sometimes it feels like we are all so desperate to fight the aging process…phrases like” folks say I look 40 instead of 60″ etc are very popular.. Along with kindhearted, sensitive,long walks on the beach, in the woods,with a good sense of humor.Friendship, lovers and good company are more where I tend to land. How do you judge, looks, profiles or gut feelings. Some days I’m tempted to say “yes” to everyone and see what happens.
I ask myself do I want to share this slice of my life with someone new? Can I make the compromises necessary for a relationship to grow. Can I give a little, be vulnerable enough to be intimate with someone? Should I let someone interrupt by safe routines? What if I do?
As one gentleman wrote” I have become addicted to checking in on the on line dating scene.” So many faces I have categorized…Yes, Maybe, No, the ones I say Yes to don’t often reply. The maybes I review. and the Nos continue in the rotation like maybe I’ll change my mind if I see that face enough times. Perhaps my time could be better spent….Perhaps maybe if I add just a little more red, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
So its been about 4 weeks now that I have been trolling various on line dating sites. I have had a couple of coffee dates which I must say I have enjoyed. In many ways its like what I imagine speed dating is like. The conversation has a rushed quality to it. All too quickly I find my self in very personal territory. I push on barely paying full attention because all of my questions are racing and I don’t want to forget to ask the big questions like, what do you like to do when you are not working? Have you ever killed anyone? Served time in jail? Read, like movies, any current girlfriends?
Of course I don’t remember much. I do note if he is a good kisser. And then there is the sex question….do you like sex….well yes, yes I do but its been awhile. On one occasion after making out for a little bit I realized my guy had an erection and he was very large. My first reaction was I am going to have to get myself a dilator kit for sure. If I am to have any kind of penetration I’ll need to work on that.
This was just the beginning of my to do list. Once the question of sex came up I began my inventory starting in the evening while getting ready for bed I wrapped myself in my favorite blue and white fleece snow-flaked bathrobe, very warm but not very sexy. I look down and I see my giant toenails with chipped polish from the summer. These nails are so hard I could open up cans with them in an emergency. The legs are bit hairy and I have a few hairs sprouting out from my pubic area where once there was a full bush. That too will need some work.
It now dawns on me the meaning of ” must be well groomed” which has caught my eye in some of the profiles men have written in regards to qualities they were looking for in their date.Ever so slowly I realize that I might not be “well groomed” after being single for soo long I cut my grooming routine down to special occasions. And it was very liberating.
However I have also become aware of my desire to bring out my more sensual being, Body scrubs scented with amber or vanilla, feet soaks, pedicures, massages all are now on my to do list in a very gentle haphazard way of course .
My new Elle Mag arrived the other day with a fine little article about on line dating. Yes, there were tips like Play the fields( use more than one dating site) Ace your profile( what the research reveals is that the most attractive come on’ is something to the effect ( Laid back woman enjoys…everything)
I need to look approachable, positive and fun to be with. I needed to read this because boy I was looking kind of Woody Allenish ,all sorts of neurotic and yet fun. I did not go unnoticed. One response was from someone very interested in my feet, did I paint my toes?, were my feet pretty?, and did my feet smell? I of course replied that my feet were very ugly, I did paint my toe nails , and indeed my feet did stink but he would never ever get the chance to smell them.
Someone pointed out that I graduated from Mount Holyoke College and yet misspelled North Hampton. picky, picky, picky. I have a feeling that he could have been a fun guy to chat with.. Speaking of chatting ..one of the first nights I was on a date site. I’m reading (searching) and this little picture appears of a nice looking guy in the upper left hand side of the computer screen
Do you want to chat?
Do you have a web cam?
Yes let me see if I can hook it up. After a bit I manage to be able to see the person I am chatting with in real time.
Great how ya doin say I
Good. Do you mind if I move the webcam?
No, No, not at all
well the next thing I see is his penis…yep he is masturbating. I “m a bit surprised but the I think it’s kinda funny. Plus I haven’t seen this action in some time.
A man and his dick …wow
at some point I discover that not only can he jiggle his wiggle but he feels the need to respond to my questions..
Do you love playing with your cock?
well the camera has to be moved and then he has to type..Now I’m impressed. What a beautiful ….and I would love to…
camera moving, hand moving ,fingers typing well what more could a gal ask for?
Okay so I have been on and off again about these dating sites. Curiosity and boredom gave me the wink so I figured why not?
There are more people out there then I ever imagined. Here I am ,soon to be this sixty-five year old woman taking a chance getting her toes wet and the water is cold most of the time. My profile is short, I try to appear witty and sexy. But when I posted that I like making out on elevators boy did the water get hot. The guys just assumed I was having sex, ie blow jobs on the elevator. Now I wouldn’t mind having oral sex on an elevator but the only elevator in our town is maybe four floors high. Can’t get much done in that amount of time. Forget about a quickie…maybe if I didn’t have any underwear on that might speed things up and perhaps if I was enjoying a 21-year-old maybe… and if I wasn’t wearing anything like spank I don’t think so. But here’s the thing ,once we get the sex conversation out-of-the-way I get to hear some really nice stories
One guy was all excited about the elevator and slowly I began asking him about his life. Married, widowed and just broke up with his partner because she wanted him to marry her. Once he started, we talked for an hour. He was very honest about his past, he has been in recovery for 25 years he was addicted to coke and vodka( two of my favorites} He tried rehab many times, his wife divorced him and then he got it. They remarried and had a few good years together and then she got lung cancer and died very quickly. He went on to become a drug counselor in prisons and now he is retired.
Now I would have never met this person never mind him telling me about himself at this level. What I am learning is we all need to feel connected. There is so little community left. Bars are boring, Church yikes I don’t go and I’d rather sit here nice and warm and safe in my little piece of the universe ,that is until I get bored.